00018: Letters

For many years, family and friends have sent me letters, postcards, and birthday cars. There was a time when I would make an effort to send “thank you” notes. I have not idea when such practice ended for me.

In 2019 I received a wedding invitation. This came from one of my former students and I was very touched to receive such an invite. Due to something unexpected, I didn’t attend but I promised I would send a thank you note. I also received birthday cards and Christmas cards in both 2019 and 2020. And I promised I was going to thank those people, yet I never did.

Now that I am starting to declutter my home office and my house (as much as I can), I find myself also motivated to declutter my mind as well as my feelings. And I believe, as part of this new process, taking action on many of my intentions is necessary.

As a result, I have written, actually type because I haven’t hand-written things in years, a total of 12 different thank you letters that I will be sending out today. This may not be a big deal to anyone, but to me, it is a huge stepping stone through becoming a person who loves people not things. Not that I’m a person who doesn’t care for people, I do. But my caring has always been “limited” per se, and perhaps convenient.

I am not a cold person, nor a person who uses people. I just haven’t been very affectionate to others. I do care but I don’t show it or I have forced myself not to show it. Like, hugging. Hughs are good and they mean a lot but I am very particular about them. I don’t go around hugging people and I don’t like to be hugged either. Although I admit that there are times I wish I could hug someone and I wish someone would hug me. When I do hug someone, though, it means a lot. But when people hug me, I become very conscious of it, my energy changes, and people do sense how uncomfortable I get.

The irony? I am very direct with people. I say things as they are and I don’t sugar coat anything. I don’t hold back except when it comes to my personal feelings. It is here where I put a wall all around me. I know why I do this. Once long ago, I was reprimanded and bully for showing the true me. And so, self-preservation, I guess.

But I’m working at becoming more “touchy-feely.” Decluttering my house is forcing me to push against the wall I put up. Decluttering is also forcing me to face my inner demons and those skeletons in the closet. This is good. For a better me and a better life. At least, I would like to think so. #carlosmanuelspeaksthetruth