0002: Winter Blues

(Versión en español: #carlosmanueldicelaverdad)

Wintertime brings out “the blues” in me. I think the medical term is “seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” which is the result of feeling sad and the feeling of having no energy. Those who work in the medical field call people with this disorder, SAD Sufferers. 

My SAD condition isn’t severe, but it is noticeable, to me at least. I become less productive. I become less enthusiastic about things. I become uninterested in anything outside the house, (which right now it is a good thing due to the pandemic). I have no energy to do anything except sleep, watch TV, and eat (a dangerous combination when it comes to staying healthy). 

I know of friends who buy special lighting to fight their SAD state. I have not done that, mainly because when I am in a state of SAD, I write. I write non-stop. Nothing special, just thoughts, feelings, philosophical stuff that never sees the time of day. 

Just a few days ago I was going through my computer files. I have close to 150 different folders with “writing stuff” in them. And those folders contain between five and 100 different items of “written stuff” that may or may not mean something. 

I also have folders with “the stuff that matter.” There is, for example, a folder titled, “OBRAS” (Plays). These folder contains many other folders classified in different categories such as, “Finished Plays,” “In Progress,” “En Español,” “Bilingual,” “Play Ideas,” “Summaries,” “Untiled Plays,” “Short Plays,” “Based-on Plays,” and so much more. And this folder called “Obras” is the “organized” folder. 

I also have a folder titled “BOOKS,” another titled “STORIES,” and a third one titled “CUENTOS.” The “books folder” contains many other folders within it with titles of book ideas I have started but never continued nor finished. There are in fact, six different title books, projects that are “in medias res.” There is one project though, that I’m proud to say, continues to stay alive for I add to the story little by little. 

The “stories folder” contains, you guessed it, short stories. Some are completely finished, others are just a paragraph long while others are half-way done. Some short stories are very short, five-pages long, and others are up to 20 pages long. And the stories are inside other folders that have been classified by genre: mystery, sci-fy, comedy, drama, etc… The same can be said for the folder titled, “cuentos.” The only difference: the writing is in Spanish. 

The folder that is the “golden ticket” is titled “Writing Stuff.” This folder contains nothing but random thoughts I have written over the years. Those writings are very revealing of my state of mind, my emotional state, and the person that I am. Most of the written content is about my inner thoughts, and are mostly written during my “winter blues” periods. This means that this folder is the most dangerous. It truly reveals my inner most self. 

The Sad Effective Disorder is something that happens during the winter months, and because for a few years I lived in a place where the sun will be covered by gray skies from October to February, there is in fact, a lot of inner most self writing in the “writing stuff” folder. And because SAD is trigger by gloomy days, this is one of the main reason I avoid traveling to places that are too “winter-like” or “gloomy.” If I go to this places, I become a very quiet individual (perhaps a blessing to the people around me).

The point here is not my SAD status but the fact I deal with my SAD, by writing. And I write a lot, even if no one ever gets to see the hundreds of pages I have written. 

#carlosmanuelspeaksthetruth