00054: 10 Days / Sadness

10 days, ten items

I’ve reached the first ten days of my 30-day 2.0 Minimalism Challenge. It’s been easy. I see something I had not used or seen in a long time, off it goes. It makes me laugh because I don’t think about it, I just grab it and place it in the pile. This new challenge is making me realize that things get easier and that I still have a lot of crap to get rid of. And will get rid of.

But while the challenge is going well, the last six days or so I’ve been going thought a lot of emotions, mostly sadness and melancholia. Since November I’ve been dealing with death, first my best friend from Mexico, then other friends and acquaintances from the area, then distant family members, and finally very closed family members. Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy.

I notice I am not very chirpy right now and I just don’t seem to care about many things. I am part of two different board of directors and both have been sending emails like there is no tomorrow. I have not looked at any. I just don’t care, don’t want to, don’t feel like I should get my mind any busier than it is. I eventually answer emails and texts but I do it simply because I have to, with no desire to interact with anyone at all.

I’m sad and I feel like sleeping a lot but then I can’t sleep. I think my body and mind are exhausted and I need to take time off from everything. Everything, unfortunately, needs my attention. I also need to pay attention to myself. so I’m working on getting the courage I need to just stay away from every “responsibility” right now.

That said, if you are reading this, do not worry. I’m not going down the rabbit hole and don’t have thoughts of “ending it all.” In fact, I believe that the fact I’m actually feeling my frustrations and state of being through this blog right at this very moment is good for me. I’m not denying that I’m in emotional pain and emotional exhausted. I’m not denying that need rest and a break from everyone and everything. I’m not denying how I feel. So, I’m not going into a dark path, state, corner, whatever. I’m aware of my feelings and acknowledging them at this moment is empowerment. I just need to leave the world outside my head so I can allow the world inside my head restore itself. I hope that makes sense.

Amidst all of this, I’m still cleaning my office, the one project I said I would finished by February. It should be done pretty soon. #carlosmanuelspeaksthetruth.